Review: The Mummy, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

While I wasn't quite disappointed with the movie when I saw it this weekend, I can't say I was pleased either. The pacing was good. You could barely feel the almost 2 hours slide by. The effects were par, and the pulp dialogue and action was respectable. Still, there were several things lacking that made this the worst of the three movies.

There were inconsistencies in the movie that pretty much ruined my verisimilitude. Minor things first. At the gate of Shangri-La, why didn't they just cut the bridge? And why didn't they destroy the golden tower before trying to stop the emperor? When the sorceress summoned all those dead warriors to fight on their side, why didn't the Great Wall collapse? Weren't those guys buried in the foundation? And why did she speak the spell in English? Especially when the spell that cursed the emperor had to be spoken in Sanskrit? And while we're on the subject of English, why, at the sorceress's death, did her daughter cry out in English as well? In times of great distress, one would expect that you would shout out in your primary language. What, she was being melodramatic for the sake of her English-speaking companions? That is just stupid if it's the case.

And my main gripe? The Emperor himself. The big bad was LAME.

Master of the five elements of water, fire, metal, wood, and earth? Let's see... he threw balls of fire... and he made ice shards and ice slicks...

Where was the metal / wood / earth powers? No earthquakes? No rockslides? No dust storms? Why didn't he turn their own guns and bullets against them? What gives? Some master. "I have 5 uber abilities, but I'll only use 2 of them. Coz, yknow, I know KUNG FU!"

Blagh.

And where was the face? This is a Mummy movie! Brendan Frasier is supposed to be chased by an elemental manifestation with the mummy's face! Wasn't the emperor supposed to be the one USING THE AVALANCHE instead of being swept away by it? What a lousy oversight!

If Imhotep were around, he'd come by and wipe his ass with this stupid emperor.

Such a sad, sad waste for Jet Li. He probably feels like George Clooney did after Batman and Robin.

Wanna know what was the best thing about this movie? I'll tell you.

Right before the movie? I got to see the full Watchmen trailer.

Yes. The trailer is better than the movie.

If you haven't seen it, save your money and watch this on video or HBO.