Clueless

After recovering from my disgust over Secret Invasion 5, along comes another shocker. Hasbro has decided to "update" the boardgame Clue for a more "modern audience." Here's the graphic evidence:

The sad part is that they don't even plan to continue manufacturing what is now the "classic Clue." They take away the lead pipe because they don't like references to lead, adding more weapons like a trophy, a metal baseball bat, and of all things, an axe. They change the rooms because people nowadays won't know what a conservatory is. They added more cards for more variety of play.

This feels to me like the classic Western philosophy of completely throwing out the old in favor of the new. I'm not saying the game won't be fun, but goodness, what's next?

Chess 2.0? Behold, a more modern version of chess! There are no more pawns. The word "pawn" suggests slavery or taking advantage of someone. Wouldn't want the kids to be exposed to that. Instead, the new version calls them "minimum-waged militia." No bishops either. Too biased toward the Christian demographic. Let's call it the "spiritual advisor" instead.

We've revised the rules too! You can now choose to have a queen piece wearing a crown to represent the king. Gender equality. And gay marriages are now acceptable in many places. Two queens or two kings should be permissible. And not to forget interracial relations, you can now have both black and white pieces on the same side.

Joy!