After recovering from my disgust over Secret Invasion 5, along comes another shocker. Hasbro has decided to "update" the boardgame Clue for a more "modern audience." Here's the graphic evidence:
The sad part is that they don't even plan to continue manufacturing what is now the "classic Clue." They take away the lead pipe because they don't like references to lead, adding more weapons like a trophy, a metal baseball bat, and of all things, an axe. They change the rooms because people nowadays won't know what a conservatory is. They added more cards for more variety of play. This feels to me like the classic Western philosophy of completely throwing out the old in favor of the new. I'm not saying the game won't be fun, but goodness, what's next?Chess 2.0? Behold, a more modern version of chess! There are no more pawns. The word "pawn" suggests slavery or taking advantage of someone. Wouldn't want the kids to be exposed to that. Instead, the new version calls them "minimum-waged militia." No bishops either. Too biased toward the Christian demographic. Let's call it the "spiritual advisor" instead.We've revised the rules too! You can now choose to have a queen piece wearing a crown to represent the king. Gender equality. And gay marriages are now acceptable in many places. Two queens or two kings should be permissible. And not to forget interracial relations, you can now have both black and white pieces on the same side. Joy!
So Secret Invasion 5 is out, and I have to say it's the most disappointing of the 5 issues that are out so far. Which means that it's the ONLY disappointing issue that has come out, as the previous 4 were amazing.There were some nice highlights in this issue, like how Agent Brand performs very nicely after her spotlight in Astonishing X-Men, and how the Skrull propaganda machine makes its planetary announcements by revealing themselves as famous personalities who were disguised all this time (including Oprah, Tom Cruise, Bin Laden, and our very own President, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo). But all of that was overshadowed by one of my pet peeves.Reed Richards.Brand manages to free him, and you can anticipate that the series is going to go downhill from here. Mr. Fantastic is Marvel's equivalent of Deus Ex in a stretchable bag. The guy can work miracles using nothing more than a toothbrush, a pocket calculator, and a few rubber bands. You put Reed Richards into any scenario, and instantly, it transforms into "what MAGICAL device will Mr. Fantastic create to FIX ANYTHING." Seriously. Put him in any situation, and that's what he does. He's so smart he can beat GALACTUS. He makes me PUKE.His presence takes out the effort other characters have put up to that point and throws it in the dust like so much garbage. "Don't worry. Everything you worked for will easily be fixed with no effort using the mystical properties of my Fantastic Dream Beam!"In the case of SI#5, from the time that it takes to go from high orbit to the Savage Land, he manages to whip up a Skrull Revalation Ray using Skrull equipment. Yes. A Skrull Revalation Ray. You fire it, and every disguised Skrull in the area suddenly reveals his Skrull form. Wow. All that hype about "Who Can You Trust?" and now it's undone by Mr. Fantastic. I am so disgusted I can't write anymore. Forget it.---PS. GMA is a Skrull. That explains SO MUCH.
Zuko Snubs Toph
More minor gripes on something that was a very satisfying experience. This scene made me groan. You know the scene. Aang's gone to lion turtle island, and Team Avatar doesn't know where he went. They go looking for him, and Toph goes off with Zuko in what she hopes will be a life-changing field trip like the others had. While they're searching, she starts talking about her insecurities about acceptance from her family, and Zuko practically tells her to shut up and keep looking for Aang.
I appreciate the gravity of the situation they were in, and how important it was to find Aang. I also understand how driven Zuko can get. I also understand that the metastory was strained for time, even with 4 episodes to go. But dude, that was inexcusable. Especially after Toph was so nice to him when he was once again in emo mode about his uncle in Ember Island Players. He could have at least spared a few words of encouragement.Spurning the cute earthbender when she's pouring out what might be her deepest hurt? Bad form, sir. Very bad form.
While I wasn't quite disappointed with the movie when I saw it this weekend, I can't say I was pleased either. The pacing was good. You could barely feel the almost 2 hours slide by. The effects were par, and the pulp dialogue and action was respectable. Still, there were several things lacking that made this the worst of the three movies.
There were inconsistencies in the movie that pretty much ruined my verisimilitude. Minor things first. At the gate of Shangri-La, why didn't they just cut the bridge? And why didn't they destroy the golden tower before trying to stop the emperor? When the sorceress summoned all those dead warriors to fight on their side, why didn't the Great Wall collapse? Weren't those guys buried in the foundation? And why did she speak the spell in English? Especially when the spell that cursed the emperor had to be spoken in Sanskrit? And while we're on the subject of English, why, at the sorceress's death, did her daughter cry out in English as well? In times of great distress, one would expect that you would shout out in your primary language. What, she was being melodramatic for the sake of her English-speaking companions? That is just stupid if it's the case.
And my main gripe? The Emperor himself. The big bad was LAME.
Master of the five elements of water, fire, metal, wood, and earth? Let's see... he threw balls of fire... and he made ice shards and ice slicks...
Where was the metal / wood / earth powers? No earthquakes? No rockslides? No dust storms? Why didn't he turn their own guns and bullets against them? What gives? Some master. "I have 5 uber abilities, but I'll only use 2 of them. Coz, yknow, I know KUNG FU!"
Blagh.
And where was the face? This is a Mummy movie! Brendan Frasier is supposed to be chased by an elemental manifestation with the mummy's face! Wasn't the emperor supposed to be the one USING THE AVALANCHE instead of being swept away by it? What a lousy oversight!
If Imhotep were around, he'd come by and wipe his ass with this stupid emperor.
Such a sad, sad waste for Jet Li. He probably feels like George Clooney did after Batman and Robin.
Wanna know what was the best thing about this movie? I'll tell you.
Right before the movie? I got to see the full Watchmen trailer.
Yes. The trailer is better than the movie.
If you haven't seen it, save your money and watch this on video or HBO.
Make no mistake. I loved the Avatar finale, and I thoroughly enjoyed the ending. Now that I've descended from the post-Comet high, I spent some time reading what other people had to say about the ending. No surprise, most everyone loved it... Except for the Zutarans. Many of them disliked the ending to varying degrees, ranging from mild frustration, to outright hatred. Why? Well, they "lost." Katara loves Aang. Zuko loves Mei. To them, that's sacrilege. Especially after all the Zutaran hints in the final six episodes. I mean, look at Southern Raiders? That's true love right there, right? And Ember Island Players? You guessed it. Definitely a Kataang breakup. Zuko saving Katara and vice versa during the fight against Azula? We're talking MARRIAGE, baby. Of course, not all Zutarans took these signs to this extreme, nor did they all call Sozin's Comet a piece of garbage. But when so many of them criticize the finale with such fervor, with a few even declaring that they would have had the same criticisms even if Zutara won? Hmm... For the sake of argument, I took a look at some of their more sterling complaints and wondered what they're getting so worked up about. I started writing about it, but surprise, my comments about their comments were LONG. Hence the Part 1 above. Take a look with me, if you will. You may agree or disagree. Heck, I even agreed with a few. But not many...---Aang, the Last EnergybenderMain argument here is the deus ex point of the story. So what was the point of Aang learning to bend the other elements, if he was only going to go Avatar State and proceed to CHEEZ Ozai to defeat? While in the Avatar State, the Avatar can already bend all 4 elements with the greatest of ease, after all. Seems like they treated the whole learn-all-4-elements as a glorious waste of time.Well, no. It wasn't a waste of time.You must realize that before he went Avatar State, Aang DID use all 4 elements in dueling with Ozai. He’d be dead many times over if he didn’t know how to bend everything. Without the stuff he learned from his mentors, the fight would have been over much faster. Char-grilled Avatar.Yummy.The other rage-bit about this was how Aang returned to the Avatar state. After all that time spent by Pathik teaching about chakras and letting go, after the Azula strike which shorted out his connections, a little rocky bump fixes everything. Whoop. This is a criticism I agree with, especially since I considered the Azula-Zuko fight much better, but my agreement comes from a different rationale.One of the Zutaran stances about this is that if Aang re-entered the Avatar State, he must have done what Guru Pathik did and "let go" of his love for Katara, paving the way for a glorious Zutara ending.*cough*My issue is that, from a story POV, it was a major lost opportunity. Aang managing to get back into the Avatar State could have been presented in a more meaningful fashion than a lucky rocky spike. Even something as cliche as Aang desperately drawing on all his memories of his friends and the people counting on him in order to break the Chi block would have been a thousand times better than the Kharmic Rocky Bit of Amazing Fortune.Bah.More to follow.
